Missiletoe
by Nanomemes
Summary: FlashFic by David Tai. Send Regards to Author] Whip ropes Rock into her Matchmaking Plan. [COMPLETE]
1. Chapter 1

_David Tai has blessed us with another Flashfic. This time starring Whip/Seirah, Leona, Yag and Duckling._

ALL CREDIT FOR THIS GOES TO:

 **(David Tai)**

 **u/65609/**

 _Nanonotes:_

 _* So Seirah/Whip is the star of this show. She has a kinda split personality, but not really. It's closer to a maturity dynamic rather than an entirely different person. When Whip is 'in uniform' ie) in her working mode, she's mature beyond her years. Professional and authoritative. This is 'The Whip'. When not in uniform, she's behaves like a 16 year old girl, which compared to 'The Whip' is girly and immature. Sometimes Seirah will talk to Whip. (tbh, I'm not entirely sure if she's crazy or not. Perhaps David will disclose soon. I'm along for the ride with you guys as well lol.)_

 _* Whip sorta kinda likes Rock Howard? I can't tell for sure atm._

 _* Yag is his same, awful self. *3*_

* * *

It'd taken _-some-_ doing to convince Rock that, no, Whip wasn't a cougar or anything, just a very young girl when she wasn't in military outfit.

And for whatever reason, she wasn't the type to take no for an answer, especially when she'd come up with a - _plan_ \- involving Iori Yagami and that woman who kept showing up at the concerts.

 _Leona, right?_

Whip had latched onto him as he accompanied Iori to the IKARI's base, mostly because nobody wanted to see Iori around without _-someone-_ sensible to keep him in check. Kyo had apparently lost that designation some time ago, so it seemed Rock was his boss's new babysitter. Well, perhaps it was a bit more strenuous than babysitting. Usually the _'baby'_ wasn't a terrifyingly powerful pyrokinetic who wrote his paychecks.

But Rock wasn't focused on that at the moment. By now, he knew how Iori Yagami ticked, and was more or less comfortable around him. Now, he had a new, equally mysterious, acquaintance to figure out, and she was unsettling.

Whip had a 'friend' that she would talk to occasionally, _just_ to share her 'thoughts' where he could over hear. He wasn't quite sure whether it was a sign of mental imbalance, or a shrewd way to keep _-him-_ off-balance. Perhaps she peppered them in so that she could keep the upper hand in their... dealings.

And she insisted he call her _'Seirah'_. 'Whip' was quite unacceptable, and lord help him if he even breathed 'Whippy'. He'd made that mistake _-once-_ after Ralf told him 'she likes to be called Whippy.'

After a rather brutal retaliation - one which he'd rather not elaborate on, or otherwise recall to memory, he'd taken to saying 'Yes, Seirah' in much the way one might say "Yes, Mistress."

Rock Howard nursed his cup of hot chocolate and he watched Seirah hum a little carol as she tied a little bit of foliage to the tip of a grounded missile. They were standing in an airfield, but no planes were flying at the moment. There was only the gentle _whooshing_ of the Atlantic breeze, and the faint tune of _'I'm dreaming of a White Christmas'_. Rock lifted his head and squinted through the sunlight at the girl. He sighed and shook his head.

"Wouldn't it be easier to do this indoors?"

Seirah cast him a pitying look. She answered with the matter-of-factness of a schoolteacher. "Yes, but nobody's going to be expecting it _RIGHT HERE_!"

"Yeah, but how are you going to get Iori over _-here-_?" Rock asked.

Seirah flashed him a winning smile. "That's your job, I'll just take care of Leona."

* * *

"Hey, Clark, c'mere, get a load of that."

Ralf Jones waved Clark Steele over, motioning to the screens.

Clark grunted as he stood and approached his colleague. "Aren't you supposed to be testing the drones...?"

"Yep, get a gander of that. The Howard kid and Whippy."

"Huh. I don't think I've seen Whip act so... girly," Clark replied, grabbing a chair and straddling it. "What's she doing...?"

"Hanging mistletoe. Not in a place I would've thought of, that's for sure..."

"You don't think she's sweet on the kid, do you?"

"Nah, she's probably doing something for Leona's sake."

"It's also a weird plan."

"I told her she'd be better off doing the unexpected if she wanted to catch people off guard."

"That is so STUPID."

"Hey, doing that works on her."

"Until she figures out what _-you-_ like to do and then proceeds to neutralize it."

"Seems to have no problem wrapping the Howard kid into doing what she wants."

"Gotta admire her command style. Think it's The Whip?"

"Definitely The Whip."

* * *

 _Lol. There are a thousand ways this can go wrong._


	2. Chapter 2

**CREDIT TO DAVID TAI PLS.**

 _NanoNotes:_

 _* So in MOS, Kyo and Yag freaking kill one of the IKARI people and hold some guys hostage for a couple of hours. That's why Yag is all nervous in the IKARI base. That's also why Kyo is no longer considered 'sane/reasonable' lol._

 _* Lol at Ralf and Clark not being surprised at Yag's behavior at all. Guess he's so weird that people stop being surprised at the stuff he does._

* * *

Yagami was _-tricky-_ to get out in the open, especially since Iori seemed paranoid around the soldiers. It was a bit surprising for Rock, since for as long as he'd known him, Iori Yagami wasn't scared of anyone, and didn't care about anyone's opinion.

 _They must have some sort of history... best not to pry._

Rock had found his employer sitting in the reception area wearing earbuds and scrawling on staff paper. He working on their band's new album and was obviously pretty involved with his work. Rock was fain to break his concentration, but the thought of suffering another round of Seirah's beloved _Voodoo_ drove him onwards. Broaching the subject of ' _drop your work and follow me outside for no particular reason'_ had been surprisingly easy.

"What's the matter, Howard, fangirl stalking you?"

Convenient. And easily believable.

"Yessir."

He snorted, yanked his earbuds out and stood.

"Yeah... Whip girl's almost as _-nuts-_ as that Orochi chick. Don't blame you for needing protection from that nutwhipper."

Rock stared at him. Not because Whip-girl was nuts, but because Iori _-almost-_ sounded respectful about _'that Orochi chick'_.

He blinked, before remembering what he'd been requested to do. If he didn't drag Iori out to kiss Leona under the mistletoe, Seirah would go nuts on him again. _Wait, who's to say he'll even follow that American tradition?... Do I need to convince him about that too?_

Iori had finished stuffing his papers into a folder and tucked it under his arm. He nodded at Rock, who startled to attention.

"Uh, yeah. I just need to go to the airfield."

And they were off, marching along the long sterile hallways of the IKARI base. Iori followed closely behind him, keeping a sharp eye on his surroundings. Rock kept a keen eye out for Seirah and wasn't paying any particular attention to where he was walking.

Which was why Iori spotted the mistletoe and Rock - who was standing beneath- didn't.

"Hey Howard... is that a... mistletoe?"

* * *

"Aw damn, that idiot kid," Clark muttered, watching the monitors

"I'm more concerned about the drone Yagami took out earlier," Ralf was busy tapping on the keyboards. "Man, I'm going to be in so much trouble."

"It's probably a small price to pay if that's _-all-_ he destroys. The nutjob has infinite potential for breaking expensive stuff."

"Bastard doesn't even care that we're watching him, Clark, that's what gets my goat."

"Shh... hey..."

Iori stopped, hands in his pockets, turning his gaze from the mistletoe to his guitarist. He frowned. The speakers indicated a change in his tone. "Look, I know I'm Japanese but I've lived here long enough. Did you think I don't know what _-that-_ means?"

Rock blinked, shook his head and held his hands up in a defensive position. Even though the monitor's camera was a bit grainy, the panic was evident on his face "Uh, no, I mean... I wouldn't dream of doing that. Not at all. It's just that... you know. It's a tradition and uh..."

There was a long moment of silence. Iori squinted at his guitarist, then seemed to come to a conclusion. He snorted then began to chuckle. Rock stood there, mute and frozen. He was looking around as if he was waiting for someone.

"Aw, Cut the crap, Howard! What's all this about? You should be more direct about this sort of thing."

"Uh, actually, it's not for..."

Iori interrupted him and walked up. He grabbed him by the shoulders as he lectured him. The teenager looked terrified.

"Listen, Howard, you want a kiss, you just go for it. Don't run around setting up this wonky stuff, alright? Here-"

 _"_ Wai _-mmph!"_

* * *

"Holy sh-"

"Didn't know Howard's kid swung _-that-_ way."

"Man, Leona's gonna..."

"You _-had-_ to bring her up? Look who's coming..."

"Sh-"

* * *

 _Tmw when your wing-woman's accomplice steals your date. GG Leona._

 _lul. I'm so freaking chuckled._


	3. Chapter 3

**CREDIT BELONGS TO DAVID TAI**

* * *

Leona Heidern was never one to be truly expressive. For as long as she could remember, she'd been taught to keep her emotions under strict monitor, and frankly, she was quite good at it.

So when Seirah had excitedly dragged her out from the shooting range, Leona let none of her apprehension or curiosity show.

Leona had no idea what she expected to see when she finally arrived at the airfield. But it certainly wasn't Iori Yagami making out with a terrified Rock Howard.

"..."

Nope, she had to keep a tight rein on her thoughts and emotions, because there was _-just-_ the beginning of a sense that she ought to be rioting right about now. And rioting in a BIG way.

Her fingers twitched, going to her hip where the knife was.

 _No, no, control..._

But just as she tilted her head to look at Whip for a _looong_ stare, the other Ikari Warrior was already stepping up.

"YOU HAD ONE JOB, HOWARD! ONE JOB!"

* * *

Rock Howard was already panicked by the fact his boss had seized his head and was trying to tie their tongues into a knot. It was possibly the most violent show of affection Rock had ever been subject to, and he wasn't quite sure if he was being attacked or not. He flailed and tried to pull away, but the moment he caught sight of Seirah's irate expression, he resorted to punching his boss in the stomach. Iori was actually laughing when he let the teenager go.

 _At least someone's having fun... bleah..._

Rock stumbled away from his boss and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He paid no attention to Iori's snickering, instead fixing a stare at Seirah.

No, wait, Whip.

"Job?! I got him" He jabbed a finger at the red-haired man, " _-here-_!" he pointed at the mistletoe.

"And the rest of the mission wasn't _-your-_ responsibility?! You weren't supposed to _kiss_ him Howard!"

Whip huffed and planted gloved hands on her hips. Leona stood behind her and seemed to be trembling ever so slightly. Normally, Rock would've been reminded that these two were _highly dangerous,_ and _highly crazy._ But he was too annoyed to be sensible.

"Hey!" Rock snarled. "I told you it wasn't going to go as planned, okay? Nothing ever goes as planned with _-this guy-_ around..."

Whip held a hand up. Something in her expression snapped Rock right back into place. He fell silent. She was in full command mode now. All business, Whip re-assessed the situation.

"Well, we can still fix this. What do you think, Voodoo? Think we can still salvage this...? _Yes, yes we can._ Leona, get under the mistletoe."

"..."

Leona turned to look incredulously at the younger girl.

"What's going on here, Howard?" Iori asked, looking back and forth between Rock and Leona. He had, perhaps wisely, decided it might be better to avoid getting answers from the _-not-_ whip-crazy lady. He still seemed to think this was all some sort of prank and walked up to stand next to him. "You planning an orgy? Brave of you."

Rock almost choked on his spit.

"Oh God, No. Definitely not. Look, uh, This is...Can you jus-"

Whip interrupted him and pointed Voodoo at Iori. She addressed him with an authoritative bark. "You!"

There was a moment of silence.

The easy mirth fled from Iori's expression in a heartbeat. His countenance became shadowed and his posture became threatening. In that moment, Rock was keenly aware of just how fickle and dangerous his boss could be, and how much he let him get away with.

"What?" he growled, his fingers curling into claws.

* * *

Ralf groaned. "Oh shit... didn't you teach _-your-_ subordinate anything about Yagami?"

Clark palmed his face. "I did, but you know, youth, they think they're invincible."

"Better call the Commander."

* * *

 _NanoNotes:_

 _* whip is friggin scary. haha._

 _* So is Leona, actually. She was about to go slasher on Rock._

 _* and Yag is yag... Rock is surrounded on all sides by crazy :0_

* Ay, what's wrong duckling? you don't wanna snog with Iori?

Rock would make for a crackin ladyboy.

haha.

killme


	4. Chapter 4

_O shit I forgot to upload this lol_

 **ALL CREDIT TO DAVID TAI**

* * *

"Get under the mis-!"

"Excuse me, sorry!" Rock apologized as he brushed past Iori, then Leona and proceeded to grab Whip by the arm. Being physically larger than her, he was able to drag her off before she setting off another _Yagami Incident_.

Whip flailed and dug in her heels, already engaging Voodoo with a snap of her wrist. She barked at him as he pulled her out of earshot. Iori and Leona watched them from afar. "Don't get in my way, Howard!"

"I'd _really_ like nothing better. But, trust me Whip, you don't want to deal with my boss, okay? He's crazier than you ar-... He's crazy."

She just shook free of his grasp and glared at him. Voodoo dangled dangerously in her hand. She addressed him in a low, threatening voice.

"Not Whip, Seirah."

"Seirah, okay. But look -" He motioned to the two people near the mistletoe. Iori had relaxed out of combat mode. He seemed to be making small talk with Leona, but kept half an eye on Rock. Leona seemed to have stopped shaking and was fully engaged in whatever conversation she was having with the red-haired man.

"They're hanging out. Just let nature take its course."

The whip snapped and curled up around Seirah's hand as if it had a life of it's own. The corner of her lip was raised in contempt.

" _'Let nature take it's course',_ you say... If I let nature take course, Yagami would be balls deep in you!"

That statement brought up a whole host of mental images that Rock Howard wished he could scrub from his brain cells. He was truly at a loss for words for a few short moments.

"... that's... Can we not... let's _never_ bring that possibility up again. Jeez... How the hell do you-"

"Boy's Love manga."

* * *

"That's right, Fio. You heard me, get the troops up. Get the Riot troops up. Get ready to gas the place. Who's crazy enough to think she can take on Yagami? Whip, that's who."

"Commander, requesting permission to remove the safeties on the drones. "

"Not yet," Heidern's voice cut in over the airwaves. "Let's see what Howard does first."

* * *

Iori quickly became impatient with the situation. He had work to do, and standing here with Leona in an airfield wasn't productive at all. He began striding over to where Rock and Whip stood with Leona in tow.

"Howard? I thought you were trying to avoid that lady! What did you even called me out for?"

He hollered at the teenager as he approached, blasting over their conversation.

"For me," Leona spoke up as she came to a stop behind him. "I'm not sure what's going on here, but..." She motioned up towards the mistletoe. "Whip, ah... I believe she had a plan."

Iori rolled his eyes and addressed Whip with a snarl.

"Well fuck the plan. I'm nobody's puppet. Who the hell do you think you are, bitch?"

Whip looked indignant and just about ready to burst out when Rock covered her mouth.

"Neither am I," Leona interjected. "I apologize for the trouble."

Iori eyed Rock and Whip, then Leona. He sighed and disengaged. "Is that so... fine then Heider-... fuck that. From now on, you're Leona. I don't wanna think about your old man whenever I need to say your name."

Leona blinked and nodded. "That's fine... I can take you back to the Commander and..."

"Fuck your old man, too. It's still too early to meet, I'll need to prep."

"Prepare? uh, I see. Well then, I can take you back to..."

Iori snorted and interrupted her.

"By prep, I mean I need a dangerous amount of alcohol in my system. Do you know any bars around here?"

"Uh, I..."

"Nevermind, I used to go drinking in this area with Thrall..."

He began walking away. Leona stood silently where he left her, looking dissapointed. Iori called out to her without turning his head.

"Are you coming, Leona?"

"Y-yes... I think I'd like that."

"Hurry."

* * *

As they walked off, Rock let out a sigh of relief... before yelping as Seirah bit his hand.

"And who said you could manhandle me?" Whip hissed, tapping Voodoo against her hip.

"Your matchmaking worked, Seirah! Isn't that what you wanted?" Rock groaned.

"I wanted my plan _-executed-!_ A kiss under the mistletoe!" Seirah pouted, before snapping her whip.

"Well, you _-are-_ standing under the mistletoe," Rock began, testing his luck.

"Don't even _-think-_ about it, Howard."

She glared him down, so he backed off.

 _That was dumb..._

Rock shook his head, shrugged, and turned to go, he heard behind him:

"What, Voodoo? Hmmmm...?"

The -snnnkkkt- of a whip coiled around his waist, followed by a yank...

And then Rock felt the sensation of a pair of gloved hands on his cheeks, followed by a soft sensation on his lips.

And by the time he had enough presence of the mind to lift his arms to really -return- the kiss... Whip sensed his motion and immediately pushed him away.

"There. Amended plan executed."

And then Whip spun on a heel and walked away briskly.

Rock just stared after her.

 _What. The. Hell._

* * *

"Stand down, guys."

"Call off the troops. You were right, Commander... Commander? Commander? Where'd the Commander go?"

"... I think he's on his way to meet Leona and Iori."

"Shit."

"Get the troops back on alert!"

* * *

 _NanoNotes: Now we wait for the conclusion. hehe. Wrath of Daddy Heidern. Also Duckling is the one getting manhandled :0. First Iori, now Seirah._

 _inb4 Drunk Iori eats Heidern's hat lul._


	5. Chapter 5

_Completely forgot about this fic :0 I found the transcript in one of my emails._

 _As per usual. All credit belongs to David Tai. PM him._

* * *

 _Several days later..._

The immediate aftermath of the infamous Bar Incident had resulted in Heidern attempting to bring Iori Yagami in for questioning. Attempted, being key. None of the half-hour he and Leona spent at the bar was wasted, and Iori managed to drink himself into such a stupor, that Riot was tasked with frontal cortex responsibilities. Rock wasn't privy to the details of what went down, but he'd spent enough time around his boss to have a pretty good idea.

When the three of them returned to the compound, Heidern was looking frustrated, Leona was carrying Iori over her shoulder, and Riot was happily chewing on one of the Commander's leather gloves. They disappeared into the interrogation room for several hours.

Heidern had personally conducted the questioning, and rumor had it the session was mostly focused on the nature of Iori's and Leona's relationship. Rock was sure the session was useless. Riot was the one talking, and he had only three interests: painting/murder, eating things that weren't food, and Brian Battler. There was not much fruitful conversation to be had.

Rock Howard was fain to approach the Riot and ask him anything. His bosses' weird alter-ego seemed to like him well enough, but Riot was insane and was thus inherently dangerous. Upon his release, he prowled his way through the compound until he found an exit, then wandered into the woods - probably off to decimate the local wildlife.

The erstwhile 'babysitter' wasn't about to follow his charge down into the woods and witness some horrible murder-party, so he simply hung around and waited for his boss to regain his sanity and come back to civilization.

Rock found the silence rather disquieting. He'd spent so much time with Iori, CYS and other crazies that the relative sanity Ralf Jones and Clark Steele offered was strange. Although Ralf spent some time messing with him, Rock was so accustomed to Yashiro's teasing, nothing Ralf brought to the table could even budge him. The bombastic pilot was evidently disappointed, but eventually let off and decided Rock needed to learn how to shoot a pistol.

Thus, Rock found himself accompanying Ralf and Clark to the in-house shooting range. They had offered him a gun and began coaching him on the appropriate safety procedures. Rock felt the training was a bit too rigorous, especially when Clark started explaining the finer points of urban warfare. He never wanted to be in the position where he needed to sneak through a building and shoot someone in the back, but Clark had insisted it might be helpful for, " your particular... _situation._ You want to have some experience with firearms in case you ever need it, right? better safe than sorry."

That wasn't the only reason Clark had invited him out, though, as Rock found out when offered a mug of hot chocolate, and invited to sit down for a chat afterward.

"I'm not going to shoot my boss, I mean, I appreciate that you want to give this to me," Rock placed the pistol gingerly on the tabletop, "but I don't think I'll need it."

Clark placed his coffee cup down and shrugged.

"The only time I managed to tag him was when he was mostly paralyzed, but in the end it saved my life. You're a good kid Howard, and Seirah cares about you, so take the gun for her peace of mind."

"... ah. Whip?"

Clark evidently saw something in Rock's expression that merited reassurance. He took a sip of coffee and let out a long sigh.

"You know, I've been Seirahs' superior officer for a while. And one thing I can tell you is she's not the type to let anyone control her. Can't tell you much more than that, but when you're dealing with her, just remember she wants to keep control of the situation whenever she can. It's just how she deals with her past. Please understand."

"Ah... well, Okay. I'll keep that in mind."

"Great, so knowing that, Seirah wants you to keep that gun. Take this holster, here's your license - sign this, and-"

"I seriously don't want the gun!"

* * *

"Hey Seirah. Want to go somewhere for New Year's?"

Seirah gave him a wary look. "Where?"

Rock shrugged. "Wherever you want."

Seirah raised an eyebrow, before pursuing her lips. "Hmmmm!"

Rock waited, patiently.

"How about a CYS concert?"

"... are you trying to get me killed?"

"It's the only way you're really going to know you're alive. C'mon, Howard, do you really need someone else's approval?"

"No. So how about Athena's?"

"... CYS's."

"But you just said I don't need anyone else's approval."

"I wasn't including myself."

"..."

"Of course it does."

* * *

 _I think that's all. I will mark as complete for now._


End file.
